


I'm sorry for loving you

by Bluemoon140515 (Moonlight2211)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Don't hate Kihyun, Don't hate Yeonjung either, Hoseok and Hyungwoo didn't appear, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Fanfic, but it's not, changki rise, i love this couple so much, it could sounds sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9659300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlight2211/pseuds/Bluemoon140515
Summary: “Hyung I love you”“I love you too”“You don’t understand, I’m in love with you”“I’m sorry; I love you just like a Hyung could love their maknae, I’m not into man and you know my feelings for her better that anyone”“It’s okay Hyung, I’m sorry”“What are you sorry for?”“For loving you”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, please be nice to me <3  
> english is not my first language, i'm sorry if i have some mistakes

“Hyung I love you”  
“I love you too”  
“You don’t understand, I’m in love with you”  
“I’m sorry; I love you just like a Hyung could love their maknae, I’m not into man and you know my feelings for her better that anyone”  
“It’s okay Hyung, I’m sorry”  
“What are you sorry for?”  
“For loving you”  
That conversation is still stuck in Changkyun’s head since that day, he felt like if his feeling for Kihyun could grow and grow until the point that it could be hurtful for him, so he decided just tell him directly, but it become in the way he was hoping to be, Kihyun rejected him and he’s feeling horrible.  
It’s true, Changkyun knows better than anyone the feelings he has for WJSN Maknae, Yeonjung, since they’re been working together for some Starship projects, it was inevitable for him to fall for her, but she’s underage, so Kihyun needs to wait for some years.  
Changkyun wanted it; he wanted Kihyun rejected him, with harsh words, so he could forget about him, but I didn’t work, his feelings are still there, but now hurts more than before.  
He used to woke really early just because he knew Kihyun was awake, even if was only few minutes, the time he spent talking with Kihyun without the rest of the members around made him feel better, help him to clean or cook, let him use his shoulder when he wanted to rest, let him hug him whenever he want, all those little things everybody sees normal, it was really special for Changkyun.  
But it’s over, the next day after Kihyun rejected him, they didn’t talk at all, he woke up early as always, but this time he lay down during the whole time until it was enough late and Kihyun needed to wake the members up, he didn’t wait for Kihyun to come to his bed, he stood up and went directly to the bathroom  
“At least you should greet me” – Kihyun Says without looks at him  
“Good Morning” – Changkyun replies soulless  
When he was done with the bath, he went to the living room, there, Hyungwon was sitting, Changkyun didn’t ask before cuddle with him, Hyungwon just let him, while he caresses his head, from the whole group, Hyungwon was the only one who knew about his feelings for Kihyun, so, when he feels the smallest member hugging him, he know what happened  
“Are you okay?” – Changkyun didn’t reply but he nods –  
They stay like that for a while, receiving all kind of glazes for the rest of the members, especially one, confusion, anyone else didn’t know what happened with Changkyun, and they only see two of the members cuddling in the couch.  
“Hey” – Kihyun said from the kitchen – “It’s time to eat”  
Kihyun didn’t know about the cuddling scene since he was busy preparing breakfast, but he knows why Changkyun it’s like that, he can deny he’s feeling a bit guilty, but all what he said was only the truth.  
They’re eating, all of them (except Changkyun) are talking comfortably, making jokes and laughing, Changkyun excuses himself saying he’s not hungry and goes to his bedroom. He can hear clearly the members asking what’s wrong with him, but Kihyun and Hyungwon are not planning tell them a word.  
Kihyun excuses himself too, and goes to their shared bedroom; he sees their maknae laying in his bed and planned to talk with him  
“Are you doing this on purpose” – Changkyun doesn’t reply – “I don’t like immature kids”  
“So?” – Changkyun replies, its stupid Kihyun said that when he clearly rejected him last night – “You don’ like me anyway”  
“I do like you” – Kihyun replies – “but not in the way you want”  
“And you came here to tell me something I already know?” – Kihyun felt guilty, he didn’t even know why he followed him – “You can leave if you don’t have anything else to say”  
“This is my room too” – He feels like he can just leave like that  
“Well, then I leave” – Changkyun stands up and walk out the room  
“Hey Changkyun” – Kihyun stops him before he leaves – “I’m sorry”  
“Every time you apologize make me feel worse” – Changkyun wants to cry, but he didn’t – “You didn’t do anything wrong, Hyung, please, just for once, let me alone”  
Kihyun is surprise for Changkyun’s reply, he has never seen their maknae acting like that, and he’s usually the puppy everyone wants to pet all the time, “Let me alone” those words hurts Kihyun so much, he didn’t want to, but is selfish if he insists in their friendship knowing that is hurting Changkyun, just for once, Kihyun did what their maknae want and let him alone. Changkyun left the room and Kihyun this time didn’t stop him.  
***************************************❤***************************************  
They were invited to all final year’s event, got their own scenery and even have collaborations. They needed to prepared and practices the new choreography, all of them were really happy, Changkyun too, it’s been 2 weeks since Kihyun rejected him, and Changkyun didn’t talk to him at all, Kihyun didn’t try to fix the things either, so for 2 weeks for them it’s like the other didn’t exist.  
During the first event, SBS Gayo Daejun, both Monsta x and WJSN were invited, Monsta x are in their waiting room when some WJSN politely greet them, it was normal since they’re their sunbaes, but Changkyun feel his heart broke again when Kihyun greet with a big smile to Yeonjung and she looks so happy to see him, so Changkyun notices Kihyun’s feelings were reciprocated since the beginning “I need to get use to it, at least one of us going to be happy”.  
Kihyun notices how Changkyun’s smile disappear for the rest of the event, he did a good job on stage, but after that he didn’t say a word, as always, Hyungwon was next to him, hugging him or something.  
“You know, I’m getting sick of the tension between you two” – Minhyuk said as a whisper to Kihyun – “I don’t know what happened but fix it in any way”  
“It’s not so easy” – Minhyuk doesn’t understand  
“Well, make it easy” –  
Actually, the entire group notices the tension between them, how Changkyun skips meals during the morning, and not talking with Kihyun at all, even the manager was worried about them.  
************************************❤***************************************  
They finished all their performance successfully, during Golden Disk they won a Bongsang, when they arrived to their company, all the staff and some of their sunbaes congratulated them, also their hoobaes…  
“Sunbaenim congratulation” – Said a voice Changkyun hates so much  
“Thank you” – Minhyuk, Kihyun and Hoseok said while the rest was smiling, all of them, except Changkyun.  
Changkyun knows it’s not her fault, but he can’t deny he hates all the time when she’s closer, not only Kihyun, all the group, it’s been a month since the last time they talk, his feelings are still there, torturing him, Kihyun is happy with or without him, so he feels like an unnecessary accessory in Kihyun’s life.  
WJSN and Monsta x talk for a while, until they left for their own schedule, WJSN already have their comeback while Monsta x is preparing their own.  
****************************************❤**************************************  
Kihyun missed Changkyun, during all the month the only thing he thought is how fix their relationship, he missed his nonsense conversation, his presence early in the morning, his voice, OMG he loved how Changkyun called him “Hyung”, he loves his voice the most, he also love his aroma when Changkyun asked him to sleep with him, or from nowhere he gave him hugs, he didn’t notice how important Changkyun is in his life until that moment.  
His feeling for Yeonjung? They’re still there or that’s what Kihyun thinks, but he didn’t notice, during the whole month, not even once thought about her, all the time WJSN talked to them, he fakes his smile to be polite, but he was thinking in how Changkyun could feel, even during SBS Gayo Daejun, he tried to not smile so much, but Changkyun got depressed, Kihyun doesn’t know what to do anymore, but he definitively doesn’t want Changkyun is sad.  
He regret everyday to let him go when he said “Let me alone”, he shouldn’t, he should hold him, tell him to stay together, or give him time, that he loves him… he loves him? Yes, he loves him, but is stupid enough to not notice until it was already too late for them.  
He also notices something, the pain in his stomach every time Changkyun is hugging Hyungwon, it’s okay do it once or twice, but during ALL THE FUCKING DAY Changkyun is around Hyungwon, if Hyungwon walks he walks, if Hyungwon is in the bed, then Changkyun is there with him. Kihyun can’t handle how angry he was and he doesn’t know why, they’re bandmates, it should be normal.  
Minhyuk is not the only one to asked Kihyun to fix things with him, actually the whole group thought it was Kihyun’s fault, he can’t blame them, with Kihyun’s personality it’s probably they could fought.  
Monsta x was preparing for their comeback when their manager enter in the practice room, announcing two of the members were choose to perform in a event, he didn’t announce the members trying to have some “suspense” well, it works, all the members almost froze when the manager said it was Changkyun and Kihyun, They needed to work in a song, practice and prepare everything, they only have a week until then.  
In other circumstances, Changkyun could be the happiest man alive, but not this time, he doesn’t want to spend the whole week working with Kihyun, and he was working in forget their feelings for the oldest, but now…  
Kihyun, in the other hand, he didn’t know how to feel, he was happy because he wanted to spent some time with Changkyun again, worried about how they going to work together if they can’t fix their relationship and sad when he notices Changkyun didn’t want to work with him.  
However, their company already made the decision, the melody is ready, it was produced for Giriboy, but Kihyun and Changkyun needed to write the lyrics.  
They have two-three day to write it, the melody was really good, it was R&B. Changkyun doesn’t wait for Kihyun, he makes the lyrics in only a day, he put into that song all his feelings for the oldest, Jooheon wanted to help but Changkyun says him he was done, and when the oldest read it, he feels like crying  
“Your feelings for Kihyun are beautiful” – That’s what he said, making the youngest embarrassed.  
“What makes you think…?”  
“I’m not stupid Changkyun”- Jooheon interrupted- “This song said Kihyun in any letter”  
Changkyun sighs – “I should do it again”  
“You shouldn’t”- Jooheon says- “This is beautiful, I think everyone going to like”  
It was true, when the rest of Monsta x (including Kihyun) read the lyrics they almost cry, Changkyun thought they were overreacting, but they weren’t, Kihyun also notices the song express his feeling for him, he felt warm but guilty, if only they could be as they used to be.  
However, they were so busy recording the song, the staff tell them it going to be in their next album too, since PD-nim listen it and feel in love of the song.  
Changkyun felt embarrassed, it was a song he wrote for Kihyun, but thinking everyone going to hear it and it going to be released… He didn’t know it was so good.  
The event was a bit far of their company, 9 hours in car, so they needed to go there, stay all the night, their company also wanted they released a Music Video, so they need to stay 2 days at least, it was okay, it’s not like is their first time, the problem is, the rooms, Changkyun doesn’t want to share with Kihyun, but the manager rejected him completely “you need to fix you things, I’m not in the middle” and left him all alone in their company, he left the room when he sees two figures he recognize immediately,  
“Kihyun- Oppa” – The girl says – “Can I talk with you?”  
”Yes, sure” – Kihyun says with a big smile, the same he always has when he’s around Yeonjung  
“Oppa” – the little girl says – “I’m know I’m young but, Oppa I like you so much”  
Kihyun looked surprise, but not angry or sad, the feelings he has when Changkyun said the same words, he didn’t want to listen, so he left without been notice.  
Kihyun didn’t respond for some seconds, he needed to think before talk, he could hurt someone else just like he did with Changkyun, but Yeonjung was kinda nervous “Oppa, say something”  
“You know” – he finally says- “I liked you too”  
“Liked?” – She asks and he only nods  
“If you said me this a month before, probably I could asked you to date, after you become adult of course” – Kihyun took a breath – “but right now, I have someone else I like, I’m sorry”  
“It’s okay Oppa” – She smiles – “I’m glad you had those feelings for me”  
Kihyun hug her - “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry” – she reciprocated the hug, letting a tear run over his cheeks  
“It’s okay”  
It’s not like Kihyun didn’t have feelings for her, it’s just he realized the only thing he feels is love for a younger sister, only that, probably he has romantics feelings before, but during the whole month, the only thing he thought was Changkyun, in his happiness, in his health, in his song, he didn’t say anything, but while he was in the recording studio with him, all the times Changkyun recorded his part, Kihyun could felt Changkyun’s feelings and he loved it, that’s when he realized his feelings changed and didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.  
****************************************❤**************************************  
They were packing for leave, Changkyun didn’t say a word, actually he never did it to him, but it was really strange he didn’t even want to talk with Hyungwon; he doesn’t know what happened, he was like that since the day he came back for the company, the same when Yeonjung confessed, but it was just impossible he listened.  
When they arrived to the place where the event is, they went directly to the hotel, it was already so late for them to do something else and they have a lot to do the next day.  
The Manager put them together in a room, almost obligating them to talk, Changkyun has other planes; he took a bath first, ignoring him completely. Kihyun was nervous, it’s the day, it’s now or never, but he needs to calm down a bit, when Changkyun is done, Kihyun took his bath, he did it quickly, he doesn’t want Changkyun fall asleep, Thanks goodness he didn’t, he was playing some game in his Ipad.  
“Changkyun-ah” – he freeze, it’s the first time they talk in a month (and a week) but he doesn’t say anything, so Kihyun come closer and sit in the youngest bed  
“Changkyun-ah, can we talk?” – Changkyun nods and sits next to Kihyun, he doesn’t look at him. Kihyun touch his cheeks lightly, that faster turn red.  
“Are you still angry with me?” – Kihyun finally asks  
“I’ve never been angry with you” – Actually Changkyun wasn’t angry with him, he was just, hurt?  
“You were! You didn’t talk to me” -  
“If that’s your logic, then, you were angry with me too” –  
“You said me to let you alone” –  
“During that time, not for 5 weeks” – Kihyun doesn’t know what to say  
“That’s all you wanted to say? I’m sleeping” – Changkyun said trying to lie down again  
“I’m not finished” – Kihyun says while he holds Changkyun’s writs  
“Changkyun, that song” – Changkyun freeze again – “Did you write it for me?”  
Changkyun didn’t say anything, he couldn’t his heartbeat was so fast and he rarely can breath, the pain in his stomach was so strong, more when Kihyun come closer and put his lips in Changkyun’s, he closes his eyes, his lips are so soft, the way Kihyun kiss him was so gently, he finds himself enjoying the kiss, until he remember something “Yeonjung” Changkyun punch away Kihyun,  
“Hyung, Your girlfriend…”  
“Girlfriend?”  
“Yes, Yeonjung…”  
“She’s not my girlfriend, I’m not dating anyone”  
“But I saw you, she confessed to you”  
Then he really saw us and that’s why he didn’t talk at all – Then, you spied our conversation, didn’t take your time to at least listen until the end, got angry and stop talking?  
Changkyun feels embarrassed, but that’s exactly what he did, but it was obvious, he loves her  
“But you love her” – Changkyun finally says – “I didn’t want to stay to hear what I already know”  
“I loved her” – Changkyun’s surprises- “I don’t know how or when, but I don’t do it anymore, my mind is full of someone else, until the point I can’t do anything else to think about him”  
“Who…?” -  
Kihyun loses his patience – Do you really need to ask? - Changkyun doesn’t know if he should reply to him, he looks angry- “You, Im Changkyun, the whole month the only things that is in my head is you, in how I missed you, in how makes you stay when I’m in the room, in your voice, in your arms, do you know how difficult were to me woke up and know you are not there to help me anymore? Or how all the time I tried to talk to you, I can’t because you were so busy ignoring me? Do you know how hurt I was when I saw you being comfortable with the rest but when I tried to join you left? And then, you need to compose that song, do you know how I feel after read the lyrics? Learn it and singing? Knowing that I rejected you and I regretted my decision? Do you?”  
Changkyun didn’t say anything, his eyes wild open looking straight to the pink haired boy in front of him practically saying he missed him the whole time and how hurt he made him feel,  
“I missed you too” – Changkyun doesn’t know what else to say –  
“Do you still love me?” – Changkyun nods  
“I love you too”-  
Changkyun didn’t know what to do, if cry or smile or both, but he just stays like that, without do anything, so Kihyun does, he kisses him again, but this time, he was more passionate, putting his tongue inside his month, tasting every single part,  
Changkyun can’t believe what’s happening, but he’s happy, right now he’s the happiest person alive, having in his arms the guy who once rejected him, that night, they didn’t do anything else, they were so tired for that, but only having Kihyun sleeping next to him, hugging him as if he was the most precious person in his life, made that night the happiest in Changkyun’s life  
The next day they sing the song successfully, the public love it, and also record the Music Video, the manager was glad they resolve their problems, it was notable the change, Changkyun smiles lively, until the point it was kinda scary.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, i did this having a fever XD  
> this is my first time uploading some of my works but i already wrote some more (especially Changki and Hyungkyun)  
> if you want follow me on Twitter https://twitter.com/rseviilla  
> if you have some question or you're curious you can ask whenever you want  
> Thank you <3


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